Paraprosdokian Sentences



Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.


Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.


Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.


Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.


Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.


Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.


Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.


Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.


Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.


Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.


Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


Ø Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.


Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.


Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.


Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.


Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".


Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.


Ø I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"


Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?


Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.


Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?


Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.


Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.


Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.


Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!


Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.


Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.


Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.


Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.


Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.


Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.


Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.


Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.


Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.


Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.


Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.


Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.


Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.


Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Brilliant collection from an e-mail of a good friend - Mila Marzo

One of my most favourite nursery rhymes is about a cow who jumped over the moon.

The rhyme is as follows:

Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon,
The little dog laughed to see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican fishing village.
A tourist complimented the local fishermen
on the quality of their fish and asked
how long it took him to catch them.



"Not very long." they answered in unison.

"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"

The fishermen explained that their small catches were
sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families

"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"



"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children,
and take siestas with our wives.
In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs.

We have a full life."

The tourist interrupted,

"I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you!
You should start by fishing longer every day.
You can then sell the extra fish you catch.
With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.""

"And after that?"
"With the extra money the larger boat will bring,
you can buy a second one and a third one
and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.
Instead of selling your fish to a middle man,
you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants
and maybe even open your own plant.

You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico Cit y , Los Angeles , or even New York City !
[

From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."


"How long would that take?"
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, " answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.




"After that you'll be able to retire,
live in a tiny village near the coast,
sleep late, play with your children,
catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife
and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."


"With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what we are doing now. So what's the point wasting twenty-five years?" asked the Mexicans.

And the moral of this story is:




Know where you're going in life....
you may already be there!!

Source: Eddie Calderon's e-mail

Did you know?




Apparently during the 15th century people used to bathe once a year.

Most people married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June, however, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide their body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

True or false?

hehehehe